Love & Marriage Nukkad

General nukkad-style discussions.
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Singha
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Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by Singha » Sun Nov 26, 2017 1:52 am

as men we are denied the LUXURY at birth itself of not working, or "taking time off to figure out what to do" and so on.
did bheesma and drona have an option to walk away ? did arjuna or karna?

the mission must go on regardless of sea conditions, how bad we feel one morning ... as long as there is even one plane on the deck left to launch ...

that is our fate and we must accept it, just as women accept their fate of being child bearers and facing the post partum depression, loss of income etc

Image

we may think we have it bad, but throw a stone and you will hit someone who has it worse, and much worse is common.

after being stranded for months in a ship crushed by pack ice, shackleton put to sea in a lifeboat and crossed 100s of km of hostile sea to make landfall on a island...but whaling stn was on opposite side and he had to drag himself across snow clad mountains again to reach out and bring back help to his stranded mates on the ice shelf. he survived.

Image

700 miles across the south atlantic in this contraption
Image

Kabir
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Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by Kabir » Mon Nov 27, 2017 1:21 am

Primus wrote:
Sun Nov 26, 2017 12:01 am
^^

KJo, life is like that. The most important thing is that you do what seems like the right thing to do. I stopped worrying about anybody else's opinion a long time ago. If they control my life, i.e. have the power to affect my ability to put bread on my table then yes, their opinion about me and my work obviously matters. Other than that everything else is unimportant.

SHQ and others in the family will fall behind you as long as you take care of them as Dharma dictates. Nothing and nobody is perfect and you do your best and move on. No need for validation.
read a post sometime back - if you want to make everyone happy don't be a leader (read man), sell ice cream

KJo
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Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by KJo » Tue Nov 28, 2017 3:22 pm

This is becoming increasingly common in the US these days.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2017/11/17/ma ... udent.html
A married North Carolina teacher and junior varsity cheerleading coach was arrested Wednesday after allegedly having a sexual relationship with a male student.

Katherine Ross Ridenhour, 23, an educator at Cox Mill High School in Concord, N.C., allegedly had a consensual relationship with a 17-year-old male student, FOX46 reported.

The Concord Police Department said Ridenhour and the student had “inappropriate contact” several times during the last month and a half at the school, FOX46 reported.
With teachers who look like that.... :o

Mort Walker
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Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by Mort Walker » Tue Nov 28, 2017 5:21 pm

KJo,

This is been happening for a long time, but now there is evidence with smart phones using social media, dating, hex and hexting apps.

See this crazy story where the 22 yr old science teacher was having an affair with teenage boy. Parents of boy got his phone and informed police.
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2017/11/27/ok ... e-boy.html

sum
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Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by sum » Wed Nov 29, 2017 7:42 am

SoKo had a case last month of a lady teacher being arrested for getting it on with a 13 year boy. The parents only found out because of a few pics on his phone

Atish
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Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by Atish » Wed Nov 29, 2017 9:32 am

Oldtimer may remember I had a pretty bad heartache episode 7-8 months ago.

Girl had commitment phobia (self admitted) and went from being all into me to go to hell within days. In all this while as such ppl do she gave ridicuous reasons which destroyed my self esteem and confidence. When I finally realized it was her BS and not her family that was doing it all (I had met her family) my recovery started and I became ok.

But she just got engaged. Her parents were exasperated with her and her dad told my dad he would get her married this year no matter what. So yeah she just got engaged.

Now I feel crappy, coz I thought well her phobia will make her repeat the same pattern over and over again. But part of phobia is lack of self belief etc, so its not shocking she finally did give in, who knows how reluctantly or enthusiastically.

Until the phobia hit, the relationship was brief but awesome, very easy very comfy, she said I was everything she wanted etc. Then boom everything goes to hell.

So my conviction that I dodged a bullet is shaken. She seemed a really good sweet person right until. Does not help she was exceptionally good looking.

Its like damn I wish my timing was right and if marriage happened the phobia would straighten out. Its irrational anyways.

And then I feel immensely sad.

I am trying to get that conviction back that I dodged a bullet.

All friends and family tell me that. worst case some say maybe it cud have been fine but very iffy and dangerous.

But my conviction is shaken. If ppl can help pls do.

Telling me to get over it, be a man, loving myself is all 100% valid and true. But it didnt help then, it wont help now probably.

Dunno, as you can understand its tough to be so public on an open forum.

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Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by Raja » Wed Nov 29, 2017 1:44 pm

If your conviction is shaken, nobody can reverse it for you. And phobias don’t get straightened after marriage - you marry a person if you like them the way they are, not the way you would like them to be.

KJo
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Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by KJo » Wed Nov 29, 2017 2:24 pm

I think what may have happened is that she was initially infatuated with you and said all the right things that made you feel it was 2-way, but pretty soon she might have felt otherwise. Many women are not upfront enough to tell the man directly and break it off and be honest about the reasons, they play all these little games that confuse men because they are used to a straight answer. The women "ghost" the man.

Ghosting

All the story and drama around it are part of this process. If she got engaged, then that is it. Just move on, it will no doubt take months, apply closure to this.

KJo
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Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by KJo » Wed Nov 29, 2017 2:34 pm

Mort Walker wrote:
Tue Nov 28, 2017 5:21 pm
KJo,

This is been happening for a long time, but now there is evidence with smart phones using social media, dating, hex and hexting apps.

See this crazy story where the 22 yr old science teacher was having an affair with teenage boy. Parents of boy got his phone and informed police.
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2017/11/27/ok ... e-boy.html

Yes, but I think it is more in recent times also because of feminism and the feeling of power that women are given which makes them feel that there are no consequences to their actions. The current gen of women are told that they can do anything and nothing is off-limits (woman power).

The same reason why powerful men get into trouble like Bill Clinton, Charlie Rose and today Matt Lauer.

KJo
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Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by KJo » Wed Nov 29, 2017 3:00 pm

Looks like K&N have been up to their old games again.

We had a Thanksgiving lunch last Thu and called K&N, Anand (Reshma and kid are in India), Girija and family, Deepa (hair flip waali) and family. Both Deepa and her husband are good looking people but both have put on a lot of weight in recent months. I see Deepa in the gym running for 45 mins to an hour quite often, but no change.

Neha is a jealous evil person who (1) wants to "steal" other people's friends, and (2), wants to keep her friends away from others. So she's been badmouthing Deepa behind her back all the time. She claims that her marriage is about to end, that her husband has been doing stuff behind her back. What she wants to do is keep Deepa away from Mrs KJo. But of course, Neha meets up with Deepa almost every week! So when Mrs asked me what to do, I told her, she should invite Deepa if she liked her and wanted to call her. NOT because of anything that Neha said. So we ended up inviting them and the party went well.

Then the next day (Fri), we were driving back home from somewhere in the evening and saw K&N's car outside Mehrunnisa's house nearby. Girija's car was also there. We could see that there was a party going on and we were not invited. I don't really care myself but I could see this disturbed the Mrs. I did not say anything but the Mrs came to talk about it. Mehrunnisa and husband were our good friends for about 10 years with our sons being the same age and class. Then K&N moved to the neighborhood and they began to court them since Mehru and husband are very rich and K&N are attracted to rich and powerful people. The Mrs told me that she thinks that Neha could be badmouthing her (and me) behind our backs and trying to isolate us within the neighborhood. I personally think she is very well capable of doing this and even now she keeps telling Mrs about how many ladies in the neighborhood say things about her :roll: and how she should be careful. But to your face, K&N are nice and sweet, she was praising our new staircase and lawn and I know she is a fake.

Looks like Mrs is finally seeing how toxic Neha is. She didn't listen when I told her years ago.

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Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by Atish » Wed Nov 29, 2017 4:19 pm

Yup this question of phobia. She said it more than once I refused to believe thinking she was confused or playing games. I made sure thats what it was. Not a cunning person, pretty simple. The about face was so sudden and 100% of symptoms matched from what psychs say.

But its irrational so some part of me keeps thinking oh marriage happens the fear is irrational anyways and it will go away once she knows there is absolutely nothing to fear.

By God, if the phobia stays I was signing up for a lifetime of hell.

When I say my conviction is shaken, its that conviction, that I dodged a bullet coz a phobia does not get cured with marriage is whats shaken.

A sad number of my closest friends have been through terrible relationships and marriages. And people do not improve. The basic nature if its screwed up wont improve. Even character flaws dont improve. very very small chance.

But a mental condition??? A person is a good person deep down without that mental condition/disorder. The normal version is awesome. Can that go away easy. I dunno I dunno.

The very fact that her parents cud finally persuade her somehow to commit makes me question my conviction.

My friends who suffered all say we made this mistake. We thought these fatal flaws will improve but they didnt. And they suffered through painful divorces. So they are super glad for me.

I have to get the same conviction back again.

Any informed views if poster thinks helpful are welcome.

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Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by putnanja » Thu Nov 30, 2017 8:08 am

Atish wrote:
Wed Nov 29, 2017 4:19 pm
...My friends who suffered all say we made this mistake. We thought these fatal flaws will improve but they didnt. And they suffered through painful divorces. So they are super glad for me.

I have to get the same conviction back again.

Any informed views if poster thinks helpful are welcome.
Atish, remember that you can't force anyone to love you. If she really loved and cared for you, she would have been honest with you and maybe you guys could have worked out something. I agree with what KJo says, that she was initially infatuated with you but didn't really love you. Commitment-phobia is something she found convenient to cut it off with you without having to admit that she didn't really love you as she thought. Why was it so easy for her to overcome her phobia for the current proposal, but couldn't do the same for you?? If someone loves other deeply, they will try to work around things, not cut it off cold-turkey and then get hitched soon to someone else. Look at how hard it's for you to get over her. If she loved you as much as you loved and cared for her, wouldn't she have similar 2nd thoughts, and when pressured by her parents to get over her phobia, prefer you first? The fact that she doesn't feel that way means that the love wasn't there initially.

Don't dwell on it for too long, try to put it behind you. Involve yourself in some other activities that will keep you occupied full time without giving time to think about these things. Your friends are right, you dodged a bullet there.

Atish
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Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by Atish » Thu Nov 30, 2017 10:23 am

https://www.meridian-counseling.com/blo ... your-heart

Putnanja, unfortunately its a bit more complex than that. I kept thinking the phobia thing is a convenient excuse, but it did not match what I experienced with her.

As you will read in this article (and others), the love is real. And it perfectly describes my experience.

The social pressure and personal need is also very high. I doubt she has got over her phobia. But she has to deal with it. Maybe , maybe its solvable. Thats whats getting to me.

See there is commitment phobia like a huge number of us have, which is within normal range. And then there is pathological.

Marten
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Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by Marten » Thu Nov 30, 2017 3:46 pm

Mort Walker wrote:
Tue Nov 28, 2017 5:21 pm
KJo,

This is been happening for a long time, but now there is evidence with smart phones using social media, dating, hex and hexting apps.

See this crazy story where the 22 yr old science teacher was having an affair with teenage boy. Parents of boy got his phone and informed police.
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2017/11/27/ok ... e-boy.html
Precisely. It has always been going on. In Indian cities as well. See Knee Yaar maulanas make fun of nanhas so they don't open up. Some of us have heard first hand about these things. Spare a thought for the poor teens whose mental makeup changes after such liaisons. They're lust driven all their lives. Erm. Wait a sec...

rsingh
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Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by rsingh » Thu Nov 30, 2017 4:27 pm

Mort Walker wrote:
Tue Nov 28, 2017 5:21 pm
KJo,

This is been happening for a long time, but now there is evidence with smart phones using social media, dating, hex and hexting apps.

See this crazy story where the 22 yr old science teacher was having an affair with teenage boy. Parents of boy got his phone and informed police.
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2017/11/27/ok ... e-boy.html
Boy has not complained. So what is the problem? He is just learning and I am sure he is happy.

It is not the same L&M dhaga. kuch karna chiye.

Mort Walker
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Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by Mort Walker » Thu Nov 30, 2017 4:46 pm

Khan land is going crazy.

Men in high power positions basically telling females submit to hex or else career wise. Most complied, but now are complaining publicly after decades. On the other hand randy boys in college getting girls drunk and then raping them. Then you have female teachers seducing teenage boys. What the hell is going on!?

KJo
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Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by KJo » Thu Nov 30, 2017 6:02 pm

rsingh wrote:
Thu Nov 30, 2017 4:27 pm
Mort Walker wrote:
Tue Nov 28, 2017 5:21 pm
KJo,

This is been happening for a long time, but now there is evidence with smart phones using social media, dating, hex and hexting apps.

See this crazy story where the 22 yr old science teacher was having an affair with teenage boy. Parents of boy got his phone and informed police.
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2017/11/27/ok ... e-boy.html
Boy has not complained. So what is the problem? He is just learning and I am sure he is happy.

It is not the same L&M dhaga. kuch karna chiye.

Saar, what kind of ridiculous justification is this? I see white guys in their 20s say such things on forums.

When a parent sends her/her kid to school, there is a certain trust involved. If the teacher indulges in this, then the trust is broken. The boy being a boy does not know what is good or bad for him. Having this experience at 15 might be fun and "cool" for the kid, but it screws him or her up in the long term.
Would you be okay with your son being given lap dances at school by a hot teacher? I can guarantee you that he would love it just anyone us would have loved it at 15.

What about a daughter? What if a male teacher whips out chota bheem to your daughter and she does not complain? Is that okay by you?

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Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by Shandilya » Fri Dec 01, 2017 12:12 am

What world are you living in Janab?

Average american age for girls to loose virginity is 14, you think a 15 year old munna is going to escape with his foreskin intact till you arrange a sabhya-adarsh mahila to wed him?

KJo
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Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by KJo » Fri Dec 01, 2017 3:50 pm

Shandilya wrote:
Fri Dec 01, 2017 12:12 am
What world are you living in Janab?

Average american age for girls to loose virginity is 14, you think a 15 year old munna is going to escape with his foreskin intact till you arrange a sabhya-adarsh mahila to wed him?
What you are saying it totally irrelevant to this discussion. Whether anyone loses virginity at 14/15 is not under discussion. The issue is when parents send their kids to school, it is expected that teachers do not prey on them. Whether the kid "liked it" is irrelevant.

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Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by Mort Walker » Fri Dec 01, 2017 5:28 pm

KJo is absolutely correct. In the instance I gave, the boy and his science teacher already had hex multiple times. The boy enjoyed it and had pictures on his smartphone. It was his parents who saw his phone and informed police who then setup a sting operation. I have a teenage boy and if he were doing this, I would do what the parents did.

This is about abuse of power be it in the hands of men or women. Both are offenders when put into positions of authority, however in my experience women will abuse power more than men, but less in a hexual manner. They will make your life miserable and not use reason or logic in decision making.

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Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by rsingh » Fri Dec 01, 2017 5:31 pm

KJo wrote:
Thu Nov 30, 2017 6:02 pm
rsingh wrote:
Thu Nov 30, 2017 4:27 pm
Mort Walker wrote:
Tue Nov 28, 2017 5:21 pm
KJo,

This is been happening for a long time, but now there is evidence with smart phones using social media, dating, hex and hexting apps.

See this crazy story where the 22 yr old science teacher was having an affair with teenage boy. Parents of boy got his phone and informed police.
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2017/11/27/ok ... e-boy.html
Boy has not complained. So what is the problem? He is just learning and I am sure he is happy.

It is not the same L&M dhaga. kuch karna chiye.

Saar, what kind of ridiculous justification is this? I see white guys in their 20s say such things on forums.

When a parent sends her/her kid to school, there is a certain trust involved. If the teacher indulges in this, then the trust is broken. The boy being a boy does not know what is good or bad for him. Having this experience at 15 might be fun and "cool" for the kid, but it screws him or her up in the long term.
Would you be okay with your son being given lap dances at school by a hot teacher? I can guarantee you that he would love it just anyone us would have loved it at 15.

What about a daughter? What if a male teacher whips out chota bheem to your daughter and she does not complain? Is that okay by you?
Saar ju are assuming a lot. I am saying about this particular boy in this particular story. How he is going to suffer in long term? He will be happy to share the ultimate truth to his girlfriend in near future. Do not go far. Boy has had good time. Other boys in class are jealous of him.

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Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by Shandilya » Fri Dec 01, 2017 9:52 pm

Well yeah, you may have been discussing for a while and zeroed in to meat of the topic, which i agree is undisputed; and I totally agree that elders of any consequence preying on teens of either sex is wrong, immoral, paki, and should be punished. But peripheral conditions do count too and should be accounted for - noting is irrelevant.

Having said that your nanha munnas and especially munnies (and yes that includes your abcd's) are not washed by milk either, you probably have no idea as to what goes on not just on prom's & dates but every single day in high school washrooms, under the bleachers, store rooms, on smartphones, etc. Delhi might be cited as rape capital, but rape culture is rampant in aforementioned places. And has been so for many generations thusly you see the paki behavior outing on so many news channel this dins.

On a side note dealer kids have been known to take sexual advantage of their 25-26 year old dopey teachers, and yes high school going weed dealers are very very & very common in khandesh.

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Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by Marten » Sat Dec 02, 2017 12:42 am

There is a once in a lifetime revolution going on in Massa land.
Across all fields, except SALES!

I've been preyed upon all my life. I did not complain then, and I certainly will not be telling all at any point now. (unless a suitable book offer is on the table, in which case I shall most certainly manufacture memories and angst).

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Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by Singha » Thu Dec 07, 2017 4:03 pm

been thinking where the ship is drifting...while people party on the decks...

Sunset of the Great Ape

looking back at history how did humans live some 2000 or 5000 years ago?
they lived in joint families of closely or loosely related by blood as the inner core
a few such cores formed a village or kabila
the men did all the outside work - farming, hunting, blacksmithy, pottery, protection details
the women did all the inside work - child rearing, keep the house, cooking, washing, building social networks, collectively looking after a pool of infants and kids
people rarely moved 100 miles outside of their birthplace in their lives unless forced by famine or war
life expectancy was around 45 years probably, but there was always a pipeline of younger boys and girls growing up to take the slack as adults aged out and died after brief illnesses. men had total control over womens activities and bodies, but the collective pool of women including grandmas did give her a place to shelter and seek support if the husband treated her badly. these grandmas who were the mothers of these men exerted some influence on the clan as leaders and social bridges.

the next phase was development of technology which made all the tough physical outside work a bit easier from 1200AD onwards
and more and more wars , which meant a lot of men died or were away for years but someone still had to cover the outside work
technology like machines for production and agriculture (think stuff like power looms, power tools) meant more and more women could come out and work, if there was a need (like in WW2 a lot of american women joined work in factories), or russian women did the same as all the men were fighting. or if the husband fell on bad times. or if the husband abandoned her or died.
the gender roles became a bit diffuse and more and more it became part of a set of common tasks that anyone could do like running a printing press or sewing a bag. women were still stereotyped into womanish jobs like secretary, sewing, midwife, scullery maids, food industry and the "deep thinking" jobs like professors , tool makers, generals, politicians were nearly 100% men. just as water continues to erode rocks the diffusion of power and control continued. monogamy got religious sanction and started to get enforced, thrashing the wife was no longer seen as a cool thing to do by the clergy which kept a section of men in line, while others continued to run wild and also philander. education became the norm for women upto some basic level as countries continued to grow richer and richer...albeit education was mostly not in STEM but in "home science" type things to make a good wife out of her, in her designated role , the designation matrix being entirely in the hands of men. new tools of social control of women were devised - religious texts, historical norms, lack of strength, lack of brains, lack of 100% attention to kids/husband if working being a ghor thoughtcrime , media projecting a certain image of what made a woman happy, laying a guilt trip on her .... times changed , tools and levers of control also changed from physical thrashings and social ostracism to more subtle formats aimed at "shaping" and "funneling" her tastes into the right funnels. why do we need to fight someone if from childhood you can direct her thoughts and environment in the way you want? win without a war...

cutting to the late 20th century, there is almost no physically demanding jobs left in the rich countries, everything being highly mechanised and of those that are left, womens nutrition is now enough they are no longer stunted and can handle such jobs easily. the fraction of non-womenable jobs is reducing all over the world incl the developing countries. last barriers like active military service have fallen. in all of the highest paying jobs like law, finance, judiciary, medicine, design, electronics, software, automotive .... there is absolutely little need for any physical strength or great mobility. even someone of sound mind and hand working from a wheelchair can work these and indeed physically challenged people also do.

in parallel the rich nations diverged two ways
- the nanny state - the northern european model of high taxation but high social benefits including a guaranteed old age pension, child bearing tax benefits and aid, unemployment aid, subsidized housing, subsidized higher education . reduce the rich poor living std gap to extent possible and take care of the bottom 20% by taxing the top 20% heavily. some urban pockets are such that only the very rich or very poor can live there - london and nyc are examples.
- the "american" model - trade off social benefits and economic regulations in favour of higher growth, higher take home income and let the "market" and "competition decide" what happens. this has crushed the bottom 20% in a circular loop of no economic mobility across generations and poor benefits, with the kind of jobs they could have done exported to the third world esp china and central america. the top 20% made good money and compete to send their kids to the best univs for their perpetual occupation of the commanding heights in the most lucrative sectors.
the poorer nations incl India are in two buckets
- those that are living in the middle ages wrt to opportunity for women - the entire 58 or such countries of the islamic block, most of africa, most of central america and rural pockets of many nations incl india and eastern europe
- urban pockets which generally follow the american model, as nobody has a pile of looted colonial era money or the political capital to have a northern europe nanny state - population is too high in the tropics. increases in cost of living has forced women to work from high to low - whether a maid supporting her security guard husband, or a IT managers wife doing a IT job to increase savings and pay down huge EMIs, all are on the treadmill now.

if we consider it as a rope, the head of the rope is northern europe, middle is america and tail is the developing world.

and what do we see in northern europe/america?
- people have abandoned religion enmasse
- people have no real interest in slogging decades through marriage and raising kids , separation rates are at record highs
- more and more are willingly childless or are stopping at below replacement fertility rate(1.3 children/woman) - an example is japan , italy ...
- there is rejection of intermarriage with growing number of african and muslim migrants due to religious and racial fault lines
- the state continues to look after people , whether single, separated, widowed does not matter

in developing nations?
- muslim societies continue to be a pressure cooker wrt womens freedom of opportunity and to speak out, desperately trying to exist like a oil droplet and survive by the cosy old mores of male control . but the steam is periodically now coming out as the triple talaq issue shows, or the change in ways of muslim women once they move out of the ghetto into the wider world despite the strong early childhood indoctrination
- in non muslim societies only the lack of a nanny state and money is holding back millions and millions of women from walking out of rather unhappy marriages - people may wax eloquent about sanskriti and sanskari naari but give people the backstop support of a nanny state and see the effect.
- its very hard to find a young educated woman in india these days who definitely wants 2 kids on her own unless the husband has a fetish for 2. even the generation now in late30s and 40s , many many stopped at 1 driven by economic reality-wife has to work, lack of grandparents support and career aspirations.

which brings me to my core arguments
- everyone by biological nature tries to maximise their advantages - if the male dominated order tried to hold the leash earlier, the emergent womens networks have found ways to destroy and discredit the dominant gorilla male chimps even if belatedly but with lethal network effects like the #metoo revelations. none are in jail yet, but position in public life and the income streams attached to that has become untenable and these men will only be able to retire into quiet anonymity at best - a crushing blow to the ego of public figures used to the cocaine of being in limelight and popular
- freedom once attained is rarely if ever voluntarily relinquished
- the nature of work is almost totally going to be unisex
- life is become safer both from physical violence and microbial infections - urban middleclass+ women no longer need a "protector" type man hovering around to lead their day to day life unless they inhabit a lawless region.
- women are generally happier in networks of other women, than trying to fit into some male bro culture like golfing, fishing, tall tales and old school buddy meet cum rum and crying over school hotties gatbandhans ... their topics of life interest are vastly different. no woman in india has any interest in what are the political dynamics of the syrian civil war or the finding of a new species of tortoise in patagonia under a rock. some men could debate for hours on it . every village has a troop of old men who sit under a tree reading every newspaper, talking and giving comments to everyone passing by ... nobody will notice a troop of old women doing that.
- the "desire" for hex as men think of it (conventional penetrative sex) likely bores to death some 95% of women as they never reach a climax through it unless the man lends a hand to it (pun intended) after the act rather than roll over and snore, though 95% of men think its a super great idea, the center of their tantric core and a entire huge industry (prawn industry) is built around that thoughtsphere. for women its as important as say a mildly interesting monthly project like cleaning the chest of drawers or getting a new pair of socks. so if men think their ability to provide hex on demand ( to mens benefit) is going to "glue" the cracked pottery together, I think they are much mistaken and misled. imo women can get by very well pleasuring themselves or entering into mildly LGBT type relationships for that 5% slice of the round pie chart that defines a persons "needs in life". men want hex every 3 hours if they can, a single good session can last women a long time.

the fabric of the whole organized monogamic nuclear family with religious sanction is fraying and the rips are growing larger. there is no social , physical protection, economic or hexual driver to keep it together against the riptide of economic and social changes sweeping at ever faster cycles around the world - with global media and social networks accelerating the pace and depth of disruption.

where does the rabbit hole lead to? I think it leads to groups of women, who might be related siblings or distant relatives or friends child rearing and working together as in the old clan days but with no or very few men around permanently. some variant a matriarchal kibbutz , blood related sorority or whatever you may call it, but 4 generations of women could be living under a mutually supportive network with the men being ghar jamais for limited time to donate their seed and then pack it off back to lone tusker mode until let back in to get another bowl of the cream on some occasions. the fact that women cope with old age and maintaining social relations much better is well proven. a old widow will manage, a old widower will soon be a shambles and fall apart. groups of women living and growing old together is very much probable , whether men are totally out of scene or a limited presence. in any rich country , women always have greater average lifespans and much less prone to the self abusive and indisciplined patterns of behaviour that cut mens lives short by years and sometimes decades. men become cranky with age and revert to being children, women continue to gain wisdom and become matriarchs.

it is also inevitable that genetic engineering will soon find ways to make the "seed" (mens last remaining trump card) artificially in the laboratory. rubber-a natural product was synthesized in the lab by germany to meet wartime shortage and british control of malaya and so will this precious "seed/beej" and that will be the last hammer blow sending men into a kind of irrelevance. the world needs lot of rubber but maybe only a few large vats of seed per annum to keep things um ticking over. and things can be manipulated at genetic level far better in the lab through splicing and editing to beat out the "bad" and usher in the "good" traits of the day - like a potential biochemistry Phd who also runs 100m in 10.5 seconds, does not smoke and is a great cook - all programmed at birth.

nature is wise and many ancient animals live in this mode, the most promiment being the large mammals who live decades like whales, elephants - some arctic species have lifespans longer than humans - always under wise matriarchs while the huge and violent males are let inside the door only when babies are needed and then "managed out" on some performance improvement plan. one difference from 1:1 monogamy(almost everyone gets a chance) is that probably the top10% of the males get 90% of the "opportunity" in the non-human world and have a disproportionate genetic footprint vs their "weaker" male rivals. the "weak" ones slink around trying to find a gap in the fence + avoid being killed if intercepted, or plot and collude to depose the incumbent king. and finding food alone, which the juvenile and matriarch led herds do far more safely and efficiently.

the age of the male ape having first right to all resources incl women is over. the sun has set on it on parts of the world and the shadows are creeping into our longitudes too. just as our kids will all drive EV cars not fossil fuel cars, I am no longer sure of many things.

I am not saying its "fair" or even the best thing to happen, but I am saying thats where the ball is rolling.

Singha
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Joined: Mon Oct 02, 2017 6:59 am

Re: Love & Marriage Nukkad

Post by Singha » Fri Dec 08, 2017 2:48 am

i will soon be opening a personal blog to put down longer detailed posts including the above , as a more permanent repository, with correct grammar and format etc.

just waiting for the annual shutdown around xmas and work to wind down.

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