Love & Marriage Nukkad

[Sachin]

How Sherin Mathews, 3-Year-Old Who Died In US, Was Adopted From India
Clearly a news NOT about love. An Indian couple (Keralites) who adopted a child with autism only to claim better health care benefits from US, also murdered her. When this case hit the news, I always wondered how could the parents deliberately kill a girl of their own. Then came the realization that she had autism, then came the news that she was adopted, and finally the news that she was adopted only to get more money out of the US government . To what levels can people stoop low??

PS: Not to paint every one with the same brush. But in my foreign stints (3-6 months max) have encountered many NRIs whose "poverty in mind" has still not gone (even when they strut around as big time NRIs back in Desh. Shady cab operators of London, count every penny, work over time across 3 health care establishments type health care staff in the US etc. etc). If such a company is what you get abroad, better to stay put in India.

[Primus]

Love gurus, my 7 year anniversary coming up soon. Any ideas to please the SHQ's heart? I am thinking of delivering 7 different coloured roses to her office along with a dress she liked but didn't buy last time. Any experienced mullah tips?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Actually anything you do ( roses / clothes / dinner ) or any combo of these is better than not doing anything or worse forgetting the date

And remember to wish her first thing in the morning

Celebrated ours recently, won't say how many years, suffice it to say - plenty. As Singha said, every woman is different, you should know yours by now.

I usually buy two greeting cards, one humorous, one serious. I write little notes and make corrections in both, makes it personal. I then leave it on her dresser for her to discover first thing in the morning. She reads them over her morning tea while I tell her in simple terms how much she has meant to me over the years.

I never buy roses - have personal problem with the way they are grown in Kenya and Ecuador for consumption in the US market. For that matter I don't get flowers any more. Simple token gifts - usually from Papyrus (don't know if you have those stores down under), or from Amazon - plenty of options, like this one, probably better for older couples though.

If you are adventurous and have the time, make a photo book of your life together so far, throw in a couple of wedding photos etc.

Given it is your seventh, chocolates, perfume and flowers will always work well.

Finally, do not forget a nice dinner at the end of the day. No matter what, a quiet evening spent together over good food and good wine (or in her case maybe a Mango Martini) really works wonders.

Above all, show her you care in the little ways that are obvious to a woman.

Happy Anniversary, with many, many returns.

[KL Dubey]

PS: Not to paint every one with the same brush. But in my foreign stints (3-6 months max) have encountered many NRIs whose "poverty in mind" has still not gone (even when they strut around as big time NRIs back in Desh. Shady cab operators of London, count every penny, work over time across 3 health care establishments type health care staff in the US etc. etc). If such a company is what you get abroad, better to stay put in India.

Aisi baat nahin hai, sahib. There are lots of "good" NRIs who help India even though they are outside India, and they outnumber the iffy ("glad I left India") types.

Granted, Al-Qaerala has a very large share of the "poverty in mind" and probably "enslaved mind" (thanks to passport impoundment and slave training by Arabs) type of NRIs.

Not to ruffle any feathaz, but I would say the "best" NRIs tend to be found in the US, which by and large attracts the cream of Indian emigres for well known reasons. With Trumb saar trying to introduce legislation that would eliminate "serial immigration" based upon family connections, and focusing more on educated and qualified immigrants, I expect that the iffy NRI types will be shut out of the US along with the hordes of Mexicans and Filipinos who are competing with Indians and Chinese for limited number of immigrant visas.

Of course, BRF and BGR get the good NRIs from all ovah.

[Raja]

How Sherin Mathews, 3-Year-Old Who Died In US, Was Adopted From India
Clearly a news NOT about love. An Indian couple (Keralites) who adopted a child with autism only to claim better health care benefits from US, also murdered her. When this case hit the news, I always wondered how could the parents deliberately kill a girl of their own. Then came the realization that she had autism, then came the news that she was adopted, and finally the news that she was adopted only to get more money out of the US government . To what levels can people stoop low??

PS: Not to paint every one with the same brush. But in my foreign stints (3-6 months max) have encountered many NRIs whose "poverty in mind" has still not gone (even when they strut around as big time NRIs back in Desh. Shady cab operators of London, count every penny, work over time across 3 health care establishments type health care staff in the US etc. etc). If such a company is what you get abroad, better to stay put in India.

The couple deserves nothing less than the death penalty.

[Zynda]

If a female thinks that she is strong, extremely independent and does not like to be told what to do, the best companion for her would be a male who is not very authoritative by nature or emasculated by circumstances. I would think such an union would be complimentary and less prone to clashes.

A girl I know who falls in the above category went ahead and married an Army dude, whose profession demands to be authoritative. Six months in to marriage, they are having huge ego issues. To this unhealthy circumstances, add a mixture of traditional MIL and it becomes even more toxic. Girl is having issues with both husband & MIL. Unfortunately for her, before marriage her circumstances, especially financial wasn't so great. I guess she adopted for the traditional approach of man being the bread earner...which is fine but she could have searched for a guy who is opposite of hers but I guess the rugged good looks of an army man swept her off the her feet.

[KJo]

If a female thinks that she is strong, extremely independent and does not like to be told what to do, the best companion for her would be a male who is not very authoritative by nature or emasculated by circumstances. I would think such an union would be complimentary and less prone to clashes.

A girl I know who falls in the above category went ahead and married an Army dude, whose profession demands to be authoritative. Six months in to marriage, they are having huge ego issues. To this unhealthy circumstances, add a mixture of traditional MIL and it becomes even more toxic. Girl is having issues with both husband & MIL. Unfortunately for her, before marriage her circumstances, especially financial wasn't so great. I guess she adopted for the traditional approach of man being the bread earner...which is fine but she could have searched for a guy who is opposite of hers but I guess the rugged good looks of an army man swept her off the her feet.

You are right, and I have seen so many such cases, even 1-2 in my own extended family. In one case among our friends (peaceful), the woman is super aggressive and ambitious in her career and did very well, and though she started her career the same year and company as me, she quickly became manager and then some years later CIO of a company and her hiring appeared in Yahoo Finance. Husband was about a year younger (another peaceful), very emasculated. I used to feel sorry to see him but he seemed happy.
I happened to run into him downtown after about 10 years and when we were catching up, he tells me that he is now "working in his wife's company". So his wife is his boss both at work and at home. When we visited them 7-8 years ago, she sat in the living room with us to talk while he pottered around in the kitchen and got snacks for us.

I had started YemBeeYay and and when she heard it, she sniffed saying it was not important for her. Then some years later she decided it was, so she wanted info from me. So she ended up doing YemBeeYay while working and while being a mom while he did god knows what.

Very interesting to see these kinds of dynamics. It would NOT work for me. I can put up with some crap but beyond a point, it's not me.

[Kabir]

Love gurus, my 7 year anniversary coming up soon. Any ideas to please the SHQ's heart? I am thinking of delivering 7 different coloured roses to her office along with a dress she liked but didn't buy last time. Any experienced mullah tips?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Actually anything you do ( roses / clothes / dinner ) or any combo of these is better than not doing anything or worse forgetting the date

And remember to wish her first thing in the morning

Celebrated ours recently, won't say how many years, suffice it to say - plenty. As Singha said, every woman is different, you should know yours by now.

I usually buy two greeting cards, one humorous, one serious. I write little notes and make corrections in both, makes it personal. I then leave it on her dresser for her to discover first thing in the morning. She reads them over her morning tea while I tell her in simple terms how much she has meant to me over the years.

I never buy roses - have personal problem with the way they are grown in Kenya and Ecuador for consumption in the US market. For that matter I don't get flowers any more. Simple token gifts - usually from Papyrus (don't know if you have those stores down under), or from Amazon - plenty of options, like this one, probably better for older couples though.

If you are adventurous and have the time, make a photo book of your life together so far, throw in a couple of wedding photos etc.

Given it is your seventh, chocolates, perfume and flowers will always work well.

Finally, do not forget a nice dinner at the end of the day. No matter what, a quiet evening spent together over good food and good wine (or in her case maybe a Mango Martini) really works wonders.

Above all, show her you care in the little ways that are obvious to a woman.

Happy Anniversary, with many, many returns.

Thanks Saar. Its a great feeling indeed

[Kabir]

Kabir,
quick 2-3 day getaway to great barrier reef?

Thanks, but in the christmas summer season it would take a miracle to go any where near the barrier reef

[Kabir]

If a female thinks that she is strong, extremely independent and does not like to be told what to do, the best companion for her would be a male who is not very authoritative by nature or emasculated by circumstances. I would think such an union would be complimentary and less prone to clashes.

A girl I know who falls in the above category went ahead and married an Army dude, whose profession demands to be authoritative. Six months in to marriage, they are having huge ego issues. To this unhealthy circumstances, add a mixture of traditional MIL and it becomes even more toxic. Girl is having issues with both husband & MIL. Unfortunately for her, before marriage her circumstances, especially financial wasn't so great. I guess she adopted for the traditional approach of man being the bread earner...which is fine but she could have searched for a guy who is opposite of hers but I guess the rugged good looks of an army man swept her off the her feet.

You are right, and I have seen so many such cases, even 1-2 in my own extended family. In one case among our friends (peaceful), the woman is super aggressive and ambitious in her career and did very well, and though she started her career the same year and company as me, she quickly became manager and then some years later CIO of a company and her hiring appeared in Yahoo Finance. Husband was about a year younger (another peaceful), very emasculated. I used to feel sorry to see him but he seemed happy.
I happened to run into him downtown after about 10 years and when we were catching up, he tells me that he is now "working in his wife's company". So his wife is his boss both at work and at home. When we visited them 7-8 years ago, she sat in the living room with us to talk while he pottered around in the kitchen and got snacks for us.

I had started YemBeeYay and and when she heard it, she sniffed saying it was not important for her. Then some years later she decided it was, so she wanted info from me. So she ended up doing YemBeeYay while working and while being a mom while he did god knows what.

Very interesting to see these kinds of dynamics. It would NOT work for me. I can put up with some crap but beyond a point, it's not me.

Role switching is a risky business for society

[Shandilya]

Happy Anniversary Kabir.

To add to suggestions already made, take her out for dinner.


On a side note a question to all love gurus here, what has your SHQ done for you on anniversaries? Do they worry as much as our kabir and poll their friends on how to treat you on this special din?

Or is it that they agree to special ahem-ahem and call it a day?

[Primus]

Happy Anniversary Kabir.

To add to suggestions already made, take her out for dinner.


On a side note a question to all love gurus here, what has your SHQ done for you on anniversaries? Do they worry as much as our kabir and poll their friends on how to treat you on this special din?

Or is it that they agree to special ahem-ahem and call it a day?

heh heh, I don't think SHQs ask for advice on internet forums

And I don't think there is any special ahem-ahem although it is always possible

My own situation is that SHQ and I have grown up together, met at 16 and got married when we could, so perhaps our status is special. However, SHQ always tries to make it a memorable event, a day that is marked by either a favorite meal cooked at home, or a dinner out at a place I like or prefer.

One thing I have noted in our long relationship is that a little effort from me is returned several fold. So if you want to be happy, try a little harder to make SHQ happy and your life will be filled with joy.

[Mort Walker]

PS: Not to paint every one with the same brush. But in my foreign stints (3-6 months max) have encountered many NRIs whose "poverty in mind" has still not gone (even when they strut around as big time NRIs back in Desh. Shady cab operators of London, count every penny, work over time across 3 health care establishments type health care staff in the US etc. etc). If such a company is what you get abroad, better to stay put in India.

Aisi baat nahin hai, sahib. There are lots of "good" NRIs who help India even though they are outside India, and they outnumber the iffy ("glad I left India") types.

Granted, Al-Qaerala has a very large share of the "poverty in mind" and probably "enslaved mind" (thanks to passport impoundment and slave training by Arabs) type of NRIs.

Not to ruffle any feathaz, but I would say the "best" NRIs tend to be found in the US, which by and large attracts the cream of Indian emigres for well known reasons. With Trumb saar trying to introduce legislation that would eliminate "serial immigration" based upon family connections, and focusing more on educated and qualified immigrants, I expect that the iffy NRI types will be shut out of the US along with the hordes of Mexicans and Filipinos who are competing with Indians and Chinese for limited number of immigrant visas.

Of course, BRF and BGR get the good NRIs from all ovah.

Mrs. Mathews is a nurse, so she got GC and husband came along without any special skills. I haven't heard if the DA has formally filed charges against them, but I suspect its coming. Hopefully both will be charged with murder, but I doubt it. Husband will get murder and wife will get manslaughter charges.

[Singha]

Roles are dependent not on gender anymore but what people want from life. Each route has sacrifices and benefits.

To me the hubby of the lady founder has a comfortable low pressure job and not has to be on lookout for tough bosses and constant upskilling. Gets a lot of sex massaging his tired partner and has time for thd children. Itna bura hai kya?

Its almost certain that alien civilizations we encounter
Later might mimic what we see in arachnid world here
Like having more than two specialized genders like queen bees, soldiers, workers, brainiacs, brutes and having a shlong let alone getting to use it will be restricted to tiny minority

So think beyond the social conditioning on roles and get past the testisterone dosage

[rsingh]

Happy Orgasm Day
Sala kya din select kiya hei.

[kittoo]

Why is this thread so silent?
Anywas need help and advice from gurus as this issue is tearing apart my life.
Me and my gf have been in a relationship since 2 years and we love each other very much. With great difficulty we got her parents to at least start thinking of me as future son-in-law and all. There were some issues in kundli but pandits were saying they will be solved by some poojas. Now suddenly all pandits have started saying that if we get married I will die within 6 months and what not and hence this cant be done and there is no solution. Her parents have now freaked out and effectively refused to get us married. After a lot of rona dhona to me it looks like she might also give up as her parents are doing lots of emotional drama. This is killing me as I had imagined my whole life with her and its as if my life is shattering in front of me. I showed to 2-3 pandits and all of them are saying the same thing. What should I do?

[Chandragupta]

Why is this thread so silent?
Anywas need help and advice from gurus as this issue is tearing apart my life.
Me and my gf have been in a relationship since 2 years and we love each other very much. With great difficulty we got her parents to at least start thinking of me as future son-in-law and all. There were some issues in kundli but pandits were saying they will be solved by some poojas. Now suddenly all pandits have started saying that if we get married I will die within 6 months and what not and hence this cant be done and there is no solution. Her parents have now freaked out and effectively refused to get us married. After a lot of rona dhona to me it looks like she might also give up as her parents are doing lots of emotional drama. This is killing me as I had imagined my whole life with her and its as if my life is shattering in front of me. I showed to 2-3 pandits and all of them are saying the same thing. What should I do?

This kundli business is all in the mind. My parents' kundli was never matched, my wife & I had a great match according to 1 pandit and a very bad match according to 3-4 other pandits, we are still together. Bhagwan Ram and Ma Sita had 32 guna matching.

If you believe in this, then its another matter but if you don't, then I'd suggest you explain it to your gf & her family that nothing matters as long as you love each other. If that doesn't sort it out, find a pandit, hand him a 500 note, he will revise your kundli to match 20-22 gunas with girl and you can live happily ever after.

[Shandilya]

...all pandits have started saying that if we get married I will die within 6 months and what not and hence this cant be done and there is no solution. Her parents have now freaked out and effectively refused to get us married. After a lot of rona dhona to me it looks like she might also give up as her parents are doing lots of emotional drama. This is killing me as I had imagined my whole life with her and its as if my life is shattering in front of me. I showed to 2-3 pandits and all of them are saying the same thing. What should I do?

You had it going good for 2 years until you challooed the matter of marriage, which if you do you will have 6 more months of bliss. Now it is entrenched in your in-laws and gfq's mind that there is no solution to prevent widowhood after 6 months of marriage. So even if you spend 10,000 rupees to "influence" any pandits report, the damage is already done.

I say forget about marriage for a while, and see how the destiny dice rolls.

What does your parents say about this?

[Indrad]

what abt 100s of cases were kundli matched but husband wife are fighting 24 X 7?

[Primus]

Why is this thread so silent?
Anywas need help and advice from gurus as this issue is tearing apart my life.
Me and my gf have been in a relationship since 2 years and we love each other very much. With great difficulty we got her parents to at least start thinking of me as future son-in-law and all. There were some issues in kundli but pandits were saying they will be solved by some poojas. Now suddenly all pandits have started saying that if we get married I will die within 6 months and what not and hence this cant be done and there is no solution. Her parents have now freaked out and effectively refused to get us married. After a lot of rona dhona to me it looks like she might also give up as her parents are doing lots of emotional drama. This is killing me as I had imagined my whole life with her and its as if my life is shattering in front of me. I showed to 2-3 pandits and all of them are saying the same thing. What should I do?

Love Conquers All. Or it should otherwise it is not real.

If you love her and she does the same, forget about anything else. In the end it is YOU who have to live with each other, not parents or other relatives.

Ask yourselves one final question. To you it does not matter if you are dead (thankfully the dead do not feel pain or anything else). However, can your GF honestly say that six months with you as her husband is worth it to her even if it means she will then be a widow? She can always remarry of course - not that difficult these days - but she will have to live with the memories and the 'stigma' for a long time.

Put it differently, how much would you pine for each other if you broke up now and how would that affect your relationship with the next woman/man in your lives?

[Gus]

what abt 100s of cases were kundli matched but husband wife are fighting 24 X 7?

all marriages converge.

does not matter how it starts. It all ends up the same.

[Chandragupta]

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/06/styl ... KwodGZ0AGg

Interesting read.

[Indrad]

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/06/styl ... KwodGZ0AGg

Interesting read.

very interesting indeed...

look at this

At 49, I was just about there myself, and terrified of losing my desire for sex. Men don’t have this drastic change. So we have an imbalance, an elephant-size problem, so burdensome and shameful we can scarcely muster the strength to talk about it.

What these husbands couldn’t do was have the difficult discussion with their wives that would force them to tackle the issues at the root of their cheating. They tried to convince me they were being kind by keeping their affairs secret. They seemed to have convinced themselves. But deception and lying are ultimately corrosive, not kind

[Vikas]

kittoo :
Based upon my personal experience, leave everything to destiny. Whatever has to happen shall happen. I usually leave everything to mother divine and pray for things to turn up in my favor. Sometimes it feels like trying to conquer the impossible but then what is faith for if not tested against the impossible odds.
If she is supposed to be part of your fate, she will join you irrespective of anything. Till then suffering the pangs of some future event is the only way.

[kittoo]

I say forget about marriage for a while, and see how the destiny dice rolls.

What does your parents say about this?

Thats what I am doing now. Nothing, that is. Just waiting for things to fall here or there.

My parents are worried too but I know I can get them around. Its she and her parents who need to come around first. Dont know if that will happen so just waiting.

what abt 100s of cases were kundli matched but husband wife are fighting 24 X 7?

This kundli business is all in the mind. My parents' kundli was never matched, my wife & I had a great match according to 1 pandit and a very bad match according to 3-4 other pandits, we are still together. Bhagwan Ram and Ma Sita had 32 guna matching.

Saars if logic was being used even a little bit by parents, I wouldnt be in this soup anyway.

Love Conquers All. Or it should otherwise it is not real.

If you love her and she does the same, forget about anything else. In the end it is YOU who have to live with each other, not parents or other relatives.

Ask yourselves one final question. To you it does not matter if you are dead (thankfully the dead do not feel pain or anything else). However, can your GF honestly say that six months with you as her husband is worth it to her even if it means she will then be a widow? She can always remarry of course - not that difficult these days - but she will have to live with the memories and the 'stigma' for a long time.

Put it differently, how much would you pine for each other if you broke up now and how would that affect your relationship with the next woman/man in your lives?

She says that its easy for me (kittoo) to say that it doesnt matter if I have to die I will die. She cant even bear to think that I will die because of her. Asks me to reverse the situation and think what I'd do. I kinda understand that. If I believed in this and she was to die, it would be difficult for me too.
On the other hand, a cynic might say she isnt invested all that much. Who knows.

kittoo :
Based upon my personal experience, leave everything to destiny. Whatever has to happen shall happen. I usually leave everything to mother divine and pray for things to turn up in my favor. Sometimes it feels like trying to conquer the impossible but then what is faith for if not tested against the impossible odds.
If she is supposed to be part of your fate, she will join you irrespective of anything. Till then suffering the pangs of some future event is the only way.

Thats what I am doing sir. Waiting for something to happen. It only makes matters worse that her mom has come to live with her for a month or so and has asked her to live with some relatives so that we cant meet. Aint this an 80s Bollywood movie!

[chetak]

Happy Anniversary Kabir.

To add to suggestions already made, take her out for dinner.


On a side note a question to all love gurus here, what has your SHQ done for you on anniversaries? Do they worry as much as our kabir and poll their friends on how to treat you on this special din?

Or is it that they agree to special ahem-ahem and call it a day?

heh heh, I don't think SHQs ask for advice on internet forums

And I don't think there is any special ahem-ahem although it is always possible

My own situation is that SHQ and I have grown up together, met at 16 and got married when we could, so perhaps our status is special. However, SHQ always tries to make it a memorable event, a day that is marked by either a favorite meal cooked at home, or a dinner out at a place I like or prefer.

One thing I have noted in our long relationship is that a little effort from me is returned several fold. So if you want to be happy, try a little harder to make SHQ happy and your life will be filled with joy.

sirji, Who is joy??